INCLINE VILLAGE, Nev. and#8212; Welcome, neighbor, to the best place on the face of the earth for a worn and weary soul to live out his life, Incline Village. It is well named, thus you will stay in good health whether you walk, run or snowshoe, not to mention you will never get carried off by mosquitoes as there is no standing water for them to breed. Nor will you have to attend many funerals, for people's backs tend to give out here before their hearts do and they move down into the valley where they don't have to shovel so much snow.
Once you have savored Soule Domain, Le Bistro, Jackrabbit Moon, Wild Alaskan, Lone Eagle Grille, Bite, Austin's, Azzara's, Tommato's, Federick's, Big Water Grille, Hacienda, Crosby's, Lupitas, La Fondue, China Wok, Yoshimi Sushi, Thai Recipe, Mofo's, and Bar-U Bake Pizza, you will soon settle into a regular diet of T's Mesquite Rotisserie.
We have two proactive public libraries just bristling with good energy, a thriving four year liberal arts college, two manicured golf courses, our own ski resort, some world class beaches, (though I understand you have your own), the best yoga studio this side of Katmandu, a recreation center that will restore an Egyptian mummy to its pristine vigor, (not the oldest and driest of mummies -but the fresher ones), an excellent weekly newspaper, and a sewer system that is the envy of the world. I don't mean to boast, but we actually transport our effluent all the way down into Washoe Valley, though where it actually ends up nobody knows.
The only downside of living in the village, and I hate to tell you this, is that the tax dollars you send over the hill will never return in equal services, that's just the way of it up here. We're trying to secede from Washoe County and become Mark Twain County, but there seems to be too much resistance from below at this point in time. Perhaps you could put your considerable influence behind such an endeavor. If successful, we could flip a Nevada quarter for the right to name the 18th county in the Silver State, and#8220;Mark Twain County,and#8221; or and#8220;Oracle County.and#8221;
If you could get your pal David Duffield to reopen Ponderosa Ranch, that would be the grand bulge. I used to know the cooks up there on the breakfast hayride, and they would pour a little Mountain Dew into my coffee and I could see all the way to South Shore.
Should I see you at one of our watering holes I want to shake your hand for the wing you donated to the UC Davis Medical Center. The doctors there were able to fix my wife's hip and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Incline Village has the Lake of the Sky for a front yard and Mt. Rose for a backyard. Larry, I lived in the Hawaiian Islands for 15 years before moving to Incline Village 28 years ago, and I can guarantee you one thing; once you have lived here for a year you will not ever think about Lanai, or even remember where she is anchored.
And that's the truth ... the petrified truth. Welcome to our village.
and#8212; Learn more about McAvoy Layne at www.ghostoftwain.org.