Bob Sweigert


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June 11, 2013
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Grasshopper Soup: Hot topics go better with song

Grasshopper Soup may be the only GMO good enough to eat, because it is concocted by a perfectly healthy GMO who only gets better with age. GMO stands for genetically modified old man. I am as fit as a fiddle, and, you know what they say, the older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune. At least I don’t look like a stand-up bass, yet.

Even if you remain as healthy as possible, with age you will see certain parts of your body that weren’t there before, and some you can’t see anymore. Skin sag is convincing proof that evolution produces more fat than prime cuts, and can even happen in reverse.

We have all been genetically modified by Mother Nature, an evil corporation whose corporate offices are located deep in the molten bowels of an active volcano at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Mother Nature has been altering the genetic make-up of every life form on the planet since the first amoeba uttered it’s first word, which was “No!”

We have been afraid of change ever since, even though some of the changes have been good for us. For example, we don’t have tails anymore, and we don’t have to crawl.

As we age we can expect further modifications, some good and some not so good. We may even see mutations of our national security, personal privacy and liberty. Those are the hot topics of the day, but not as hot as paddle boarding, water skiing, rock climbing, hiking and camping, mountain biking and hearing Angele (pronounced Ah, not A) singing at River Ranch last Sunday afternoon accompanied by Ben Martin and Mark on strings.

But now we are back in the middle of the work week and there is too much going on. Life is so hectic we don’t even have time to do what we are supposed to do — spy on our government. But those good old boys (and gals) do everything right, and have the best intentions. They will get everything under control and change our lives for the better. They will make everyone safe and take care of all our needs equally. They will genetically modify all the work Mother Nature has done for millions of years and fix everything. Everything will be fine if we don’t question them and let the government do what it wants.

If you believe that, there is a bridge across Emerald Bay I can sell you.

The national security versus privacy issue brings to mind the fourth amendment to the Constitution, which says, “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched and the persons or things to be seized.”

National security is a large responsibility. If national security is considered probable cause for conducting a nationwide search and seizure of every individual’s phone records then, if we are truly free and equal, we should be able to collect all the phone records of every individual in our government, maybe even the full text of every conversation they have ever had with everyone in the world. Of course, that won’t happen.

But it should! If we are all equal in this country, sharing data must work both ways.

Equal means equal in every aspect. If the government can collect private information about every individual citizen, then every individual citizen should be able to collect the same private information about every individual in the government. It’s only fair.

I would give my best genetically modified stock of grasshoppers on steroids to know everything that goes on, and every word that is said, privately between those in the world who hold all the power. That is the only way we will ever be able to know all there is to know about who they are and why they do what they do.

But we can’t. And, as long as Angele keeps singing, who cares?

Bob Sweigert is a Sierra Sun columnist, published poet, former college instructor and ski instructor. He has a B.A. and an M.A.T. from Gonzaga University. He has lived at Lake Tahoe for 30 years.


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Tahoe Daily Tribune Updated Jun 11, 2013 05:39PM Published Jun 11, 2013 12:32PM Copyright 2013 Tahoe Daily Tribune. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.