Ask Tessie: What do you think about the Loop Road Project?
May 1, 2017
The Tahoe Transportation District just released its draft environmental document on the U.S. 50/South Shore Community Revitalization Project — AKA the Loop Road Project — and it's 1,000 pages. I do not have the time (or patience) to read through it. What are your thoughts on the project. Yay or nay?
To Loop or Not to Loop
Brace yourself — because I know how divisive this project is — but I am ALL for it. I just don't see the downside. Affordable housing replacing crumbling rentals? Check. New roads? Check. Better traffic flow? Check. Less people getting hit by cars in the casino corridor? Check, please.
I've heard a lot of conspiracy-theory type opinions on the project like, "Those gosh darn Nevada interests pushing business away from California!" We live on the South Shore, y'all. Yes, we have a state line running through there, but I can't understand how this project is not a boon for the entire community.
Plus, good things happening in the Stateline area (which by the way, is also made up of a lot of California businesses) don't prevent good things from happening down by the Y. Have you seen the new Crossing shopping center? That place is TheBomb.com. You can wave a wristband in front of a tap and pour your own beer at Lake Tahoe AleWorX like you're George freakin' Jetson. Then you can walk over to OMNI and take a pole class and learn how to dance like a stri … I mean pole artist. Oh no, you're not done yet. Head on over to Elevate Wellness and have the herbalist mix you up a blend of Chinese herbs to cure your selfishness before a quick acupuncture session to help with your gluten allergy.
I think we can all agree that the South Shore is a little rough around the edges, but things are really beginning to pick up here, so why the heck would you not support a project that moves it in the right direction?
There is still so much snow, but most of our local ski resorts have closed up shop. What gives? It seems like it would be in their best interest to stay open later and make more money.
Just Keep Skiing
(Please read this to yourself in a David Attenborough-type voice.)
A lonely ski bro can be seen chugging the last PBR in the back of his fridge at the two-bedroom rental he once shared with six other dudes. Around him are the shed layers of Heavenly Mountain Resort's employee gear. He won't need those where he's going. The ski bro looks about at the remnants of his winter habitat, scattered with stray tall tees and beanies left behind by the rest of his flock. They have already flown to their respective warm-weather breeding grounds, following the herd of ski bunnies. Spring is nigh.
Unlike other species, the ski bro flies wherever the wind may take him. One is en route to South America where he "has no plans" but "will definitely find work." Another migrated back to his parent's home in Iowa to save up some cash. This particular ski bro is moving to Colorado where he will be a fly-fishing guide for men having mid-life crises.
It was a good winter in Lake Tahoe for the young ski bro, who spent many a day digging out chair lifts from feet of snow. Others were spent learning new skills, like dodging gapers and getting to work on time.
Though snow may still be in the mountain, as April draws to an end, the ski bro must heed his natural instincts and flock to warmer grounds in search of a female who, just like him, understands the importance of shotgunning beers and YOLOing.
Taking very little, and leaving much for the landlord to clean up, the ski bro departs from his roost.
Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to email@example.com.
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