Ask Tessie: What is the pollen Armageddon? | TahoeDailyTribune.com

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Ask Tessie: What is the pollen Armageddon?

Dear Tessie,

I'm new to Lake Tahoe and keep hearing people talk about something called the "pollen Armageddon." What the heck is that? Should I be stocking my pantry and buying ammo in bulk?

Sincerely,

I Just Want To Be Prepared

Alright buddy, here's the low down on the pollen situation. Be prepared to come outside each morning to a car covered in an inch of what could most accurately be described as yellow Cheeto dust. The first time you see it you will say, "Huh, that's odd," and go about your day. After three months of it you will find yourself outside in your bathrobe manically hosing down the pine trees in your yard in an attempt to get rid of the stuff once and for all.

There are two extremes when it comes to dealing with pollen in Lake Tahoe. Some people obsessively clean their cars, becoming frequent flyers at drive-thru car washes or tripling their water bills with at-home jobs, while others just accept that they will be driving around yellow cars for the remainder of spring and summer. My advice is to land somewhere in the middle.

And you better pray to Oprah that you aren't allergic to it, or your summer is going to be a blur of Zyrtec, snot and red eyes.

Dear Tessie,

While I do see some grains of wisdom in your advice column, is there a reason you have to be so mean? You pick on people, and it doesn't seem like the best use of space in the Tribune.

Sincerely,

You Catch More Flies With Honey

If you can't see the humor in this column then I just can't help you — and I feel sorry for you because you're missing out on some good laughs. We live in a unique mountain town made up of all types of people, and every so often in the interest of not taking life too seriously, it's OK to poke fun at the odd or irritating or outrageous or stereotypical things that people do here in Lake Tahoe.

So yeah, I'm made a few jabs at vegans, cyclists, climbers, tourists who can't drive in snow, locals who think their opinions matter more because they've been here for X number of years, ski bros, people who have roommates, TRPA, anybody who regularly posts on the Facebook page Knuckle Draggers of Tahoe Rejects, hipsters, people who complain about lines at Safeway, Prius drivers, kids who are addicted to their phones, wine snobs, people who don't pick up after their dogs, people who think suing Apple and Google will solve the traffic jam in Meyers, people who don't shovel their driveways, people who take selfies with bears, and probably a whole slew of others.

Does that make me a bad creature? I don't think so. Is it worth it? Hell yes.

I think learning to laugh at yourself — and understanding when something is written in the interest of entertainment and not out of malice — is an important life skill. Plus, sometimes it takes a straight shooter like myself to show people the stupidity of their ways.

Anyway, I guess I'm sorry that I've offended you with my snarky opinions. Actually, on second thought: Sorry, not sorry.

Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to tahoetessie@tahoedailytribune.com.