Action lands a Kokanee for exclusive interview |

Action lands a Kokanee for exclusive interview

Rick Chandler

In honor of the yearly migration of the Kokanee salmon to Taylor Creek, and the impending Kokanee Salmon Festival at the Lake Tahoe Visitor Center, we are proud to present an interview with a genuine Kokanee salmon. So without further ado:

Lake Tahoe Action: Welcome, salmon.

Salmon: It’s my pleasure to be here.

Action: Could you tell us a little about yourself?

Salmon: Well, I’m a land-locked form of sockeye salmon as you may know, and was first introduced to Lake Tahoe by biologists, where I was dropped into the lake accidentally. But I adapted quickly, and am now found here in abundance.

Action: Your yearly migration is a fascinating ritual. Describe it if you please.

Salmon: That’s a little personal.

Action: Well, we find that people are very interested by your frenzied swim toward your ancestral spawning grounds each year. You jump waterfalls, brave rapids, avoid bears, only to finally spawn and die. It’s poetic, in a way. Sort of a Greek Tragedy.

Salmon: Yes, well, would it surprise you to know that the real reason we do it is that we all forgot our keys?

Action: You’re having some fun at my expense. I get it. But back to the spawning.

Salmon: OK, but first perhaps we could discuss some of your rituals at this time of year.

Action: What?

Salmon: For instance, what’s with the guy who drove down Highway 50 blindfolded? Seems pretty foolhardy to me. Do you do that every fall?

Action: That was a magician’s stunt.

Salmon: Well it made no sense. At least when I make a trip like that it’s for a reason. Also this Iraq thing. What’s the deal with that?

Action: It’s an unfortunate situation.

Salmon: And one in which your kind seems utterly divided. We could solve that for you.

Action: What? How?

Salmon: Well if you’ve noticed, salmon tend to do things with a singularity of purpose. When it’s time to go upstream, we all go upstream. You won’t find half of us still in Emerald Bay next week, for instance. Also we don’t act at cross purposes with our own best interests. No salmon has ever fought in an unnecessary war.

Action: Any other observations?

Salmon: There doesn’t seem to be any fish-related humor at The Improv.

Action: Now if we could get back to your migration …

Salmon: It’s all in the press release. Nature calls mature salmon each autumn; we return to the stream from which we hatched, select a mate, turn a brilliant red … yada yada. Think of it like spring break at Ft. Lauderdale.

Action: Why aren’t you yourself spawning right now?

Salmon: I was classified as 4-F. Flat fins.

Action: We’d like to thank salmon for taking the time to be with us here today. Next week, we …

Salmon: I’m sitting this one out, baby!

Action: Next week we welcome Lassie. Goodnight, folks.

Salmon: And drive safely!

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