Free thinker’s forum: The truth about how Reno was created | TahoeDailyTribune.com

Free thinker’s forum: The truth about how Reno was created

Damian Sowers

Editor’s note: The Tahoe Daily Tribune, in keeping with its open editorial policy, is extending its columnists in the Religion section by adding the point of view of a scientist and atheist. Damian Sowers graduated in biochemistry from the University of Colorado at Boulder and went on to work the Berkeley Space Sciences Laboratory on the NASA Genesis Mission. He grew up in South Lake Tahoe and recently moved back.

Do you believe in Cletus?

The following passage is from The Book of Cletus.

Genesis:

In the beginning Cletus created Reno, Nevada.

Reno was without form and void, and the Spirit of Cletus was moving over the face of the barren desert.

And Cletus said, “let there be slot machines, and there were slot machines.”

And Cletus saw that the slot machines were good, and he separated the nickel slots from the quarter slots. And it was so.

Allow me to first give you a brief introduction into Cletusianity before we get into the details. We Cletusians are followers of the great Cletus, who is also known as the “Deity of Immorality.” The great Cletus makes no claims about the origins of the universe, for he is a modest god and only claims to be the creator of Reno, Nev. (Genesis 1:1) We are absolutely certain that Cletus is the one true god of Reno because it is impossible to disprove his existence.

If you have not heard of Cletus then I would advise you to open your eyes to the casinos around you. Do you honestly believe that man designed casinos? I bet you also think that slot machines evolved from small metal parts. I have heard all of these arguments a thousand times, so don’t worry, I will save you the trouble and I will dispel them right now.

Sure, to the unfaithful eye it might appear that humans made Reno. You wouldn’t be the first person to tell me that surveyors have concrete documentation showing the punctilious evolution of the city over the past 140 years. Nor would you be the first to say that the slot machine was invented by a guy named Charles Fey. It doesn’t matter who is doing the talking, I always respond to these ludicrous arguments in the same manner: Have you ever heard of omnipotence? The truth is Cletus was actually acting through humans while they were building the city, and his love for slot machines transformed Reno from a dry patch of salty dirt into a neon garden of breakfast buffets. Need more proof? Well, don’t you think it’s a rather large coincidence that our arms are perfectly designed for grasping and pulling slot machine levers?

Some of you naysayers might also proclaim that God created the universe, and since Reno is within our universe, God must have created Reno. When I am done laughing over that absurd statement I usually say something like, “if you find it hard to believe in the one true god of Reno – Cletus – then it must be a Herculean leap of faith to submit your obedience to the god you call ‘God.’ Divine creation of a few hundred slot machines and 70 square miles of car dealerships and strip malls is a much easier task, and more believable, than intelligent design of the whole universe.”

So it’s time for you to get real and face the facts. Cletus is the creator of Reno, Nev.

For more information about Cletus, please visit my blog: http://www.highaltitudeatheism.blogspot.com/


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