Have You Read …? Dark, twisted humor sheds new light on life
“Crooked Little Vein” by Warren Ellis
“I opened my eyes to see the rat taking a piss in my coffee cup.” That’s the kind of day it was going to be for Michael McGill, an out-of-work private investigator who seemed to be able to land only the most outlandish of jobs, the most recent of which involved the sexual misconduct of ostriches.
For the last few weeks Mike had been living in his office, a dank, infested crap-hole in a forgotten section of New York. At this point he was convinced the world had cursed and forgotten him, that it would be just a few more days until he began drinking professionally, again. He pondered his impending doom, staring blankly out the window.
He then noticed a black limo, surprisingly free of caked-on scum, pull up outside of what appeared to be his building. Out jumped what looked like secret service men who quickly scanned the street, finding it empty but for a hobo and a few street urchins, and gave the OK to whoever was in the back seat. A small, skinny man in a black coat far too big for him stepped out and looked directly up to where Mike was looking down from his window. Mike could feel the doom coming.
Once upstairs, the little man reveled himself to be the Whitehouse chief of staff who was interested in hiring Mick McGill to track down and find a book, but not just any book. This book dated from the time of the founding fathers, was bound in the skin of an extraterrestrial and was rumored to vibrate at the exact frequency of the human eye, thus compelling anyone who saw it in person to read. This book, said the chief of staff, was in fact an alternate Constitution of the United States, something that carried considerable worth to this and future administrations. They were willing to pay Mike one million dollars tax free, half now and half upon delivery of the book. The Chief of Staff handed Mike a small handheld computer and smiled. “We’ll be watching you.” he said, and walked out.
What follows is a wild and twisted ride through the cultural underbelly of this country. Mike has a rare ability to always find himself in the most unlikely places. From meeting a group of testicular infusion fetishists to a movie night with the macroherpetophiles, and if you already know what that is, this book is right up your ally. Mike meets up with a young lady named Trix, who shows him a new way of looking at things and learns that even if it’s different, a new perspective is always a good thing.
Author Warren Ellis does an amazing job of introducing new and hilarious characters and showing off a side of subculture that most of us have never even conceived. One of the best things about “Crooked Little Vein” is that it lets you see things differently while still maintaining it’s wild hedonism. This is not a book for the faint of heart, but if you like dark, twisted and sometimes sick humor, you’ll want to read this one.
— Samuel McCauley is a sales associate at Neighbors Bookstore.