Ask Tessie: How do I meet a responsible man in Tahoe?
October 16, 2017
I've been single in Tahoe for almost a year now, and I'm having a hard time meeting a decent guy. I'm not into dating apps, so I was hoping you could give me some advice on landing a gainfully employed, responsible man.
Strong Independent Woman
This is the easiest question I've ever had! All you have to do to find a gainfully employed, responsible man is move away from Tahoe! Next question.
Hmm, my editor just informed me that you want to stay in Tahoe and try to meet a good man. In that case I think you need to adjust your perceptions of "gainfully employed," and "responsible." I mean, look, you aren't exactly giving away free cars like Oprah, so what's it to you if the only guys you can find in town wash dishes for a living? Last time I checked that's a job, right there, so the gainfully employed requirement is fulfilled.
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As for the "responsible" part of the equation, do you see how that dude makes it on time to his bar back job every single day and he doesn't even own a car? That's WAY more responsible than some guy making it to work on time with a car. That takes real dedication.
Get it out of your head that for a man to be successful he needs a "real job," a car, no roommates, and can pass a drug test. That's just not the Tahoe way. I know you moved to Tahoe for the skiing, but you're going to stay because you'll never be able to save enough money to move away. Get used to it.
As a former flatlander now residing in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, I am new to the ski scene. I've got lessons booked, but, as Lake Tahoe's most revered local, I was hoping you could provide me with some tips so I don't look like a total newb out there. Thanks in advance!
No problem! One of my biggest pet peeves is overhearing conversations amongst "hard core" skiers making fun of how some skiers look on the mountain. Listen, getting up on the hill and making your first turns on skis or a snowboard is daunting enough without the intimidation factor of thinking you look like a fool. So that being said, here are my tips, fashion and otherwise, so that you look EXACTLY like a newb to stick it to those cocky seasoned skiers and riders on the hill.
First off, if it's a nice day out wear jeans. The more denim the better. Go full Canadian tuxedo! And be sure to tuck those jeans in your ski boots. If it's a cold and stormy day you need a bit more protection than cotton, so spray some scotch guard on some nylon pants and bust out that NFL starter jacket from your favorite team that's been in your closet for 20 years.
Your head is going to need protection from all the falls you're going to incur your first season on the hill, so definitely wear a helmet. Get some goggles, too. You'll notice all those speed demons on the hill leave no space between their goggles and their helmet. Not you, my fearless individual. You will leave a gap between your helmet and goggles. At least an inch so your forehead shows through proudly!
Finally, whenever you carry your skis anywhere don't just drape them casually over your shoulder while walking with them. No, you want to be carrying them cradled in your arms in front of you. Bonus points if the skis are crossed and look like an "X" in your arms. Nothing says, "I've never done this before," better than that.
My self-conscience friend, don't worry about how you look. Have fun and be stoked. Nobody can take that away from you. Skiing and snowboarding are two of the greatest things on this planet. Throw the bird at anyone making fun of you. They were in your shoes making the same mistakes as you at some point in their lives.
Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.