Ask Tessie: How should I handle slow drivers?
February 5, 2018
Driving to work every morning has become so frustrating with all of the out-of-town drivers clogging up the roads and going 15 mph under the speed limit. We get it, the lake is pretty, but speed the heck up! Any advice for dealing with drivers in no hurry?
A Very Important Person
First and foremost you need to make that turtle chaser aware of your totally appropriate level of anger by tailgating him aggressively. No matter the snowy/icy conditions on the roads. Get up in there! See what's in that trunk!
If that doesn't work, set your sights on the Guinness Book of World Record's longest horn beep of all time.
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Next, pull up alongside him at the stoplight and do one of two things: throw your hands up in the air repeatedly until he looks over and can fully appreciate the look of total exasperation on your face or take a cue from Tupac and throw him the double birds.
This not only allows you to release some of your pent-up anger, it slowly chips away at what little is left of the driver's faith in humanity after the disaster that was 2017. If you're lucky this person will never drive or go on another vacation again!
If you're unable to make contact with the driver in one of these sane, justified ways while still in the car, then wait until you get home and hop on Facebook because that's where the real fun happens, compadre.
This is where you let yourself go bananas. Write a rant on "Voice of South Lake Tahoe" or "Knuckle Draggers of Tahoe" shaming the person in the white Four Runner with Idaho plates. Use colorful language. Tell them you'll hunt them down. Possibly wish some sort of plague on their entire family. Nothing is too extreme. Bonus points if you were able to snap a photo of the offending vehicle — while driving no less — and add it to the post.
Now press "post" and hope that the driver somehow happens to check the hyper-local Facebook page where people go to read up on the daily drama of our community including spotty citizen reporting on crimes, lost dogs and various other forms of public shaming. That will get him REAL good.
Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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