Dear Tessie,

I’ve been trying to keep things spicy with my lady friend and need some advice on good places to take her out on a date in South Lake Tahoe. Thoughts?

Sincerely,

I Don’t Have the Moves Like Jagger

You did the right thing coming to me. I’ve seen all nine seasons of “How I Met Your Mother” at least three times, so I have a firm grasp on all-things dating related.

Idea numero uno: Head to The Oyster Bar at Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. I’m told that those boogers of the sea are aphrodisiacs. Alternatively, if you’re on a budget, dive down into Marla Bay and scoop up a few handfuls of Asian clams — they’re invasive after all. Those might just do the trick, too.

Take your woman to Trapped in Tahoe, an escape room experience with zombies and such. This will give you the opportunity to show off your mad deductive skills while also getting your adrenaline pumping. Win-win.

“Beauty and the Beast” is playing at Heavenly Village Cinemas, and we all know how much chicks love Disney. Also, Emma Watson. Pro tip: Tell her you are just closing your eyes to really absorb the dialogue then catch up on some Z’s.

Ten Crows BBQ at Hotel Becket finally got its full liquor license so that means two things: whiskey and bourbon. Apparently they have 40 options to choose from. So I’d highly recommend going there to stuff your faces with fried grits, brisket and glass after glass of the good stuff.

Dear Tessie,

There is a vacation home rental next door to me that always has raucous parties. The renters stay up until all hours of the night, blasting Drake and blowing through 30-racks of Natty Ice. Some of us have jobs to do, and I’m at my wit’s end. What should I do?

Sincerely,

In Desperate Need of Sleep

Part of me wants to tell you to slowly sabotage the house by putting a dead fish in the heating system or coming up with an elaborate scheme to make the renters believe the house is haunted, but when I really got down to the heart of this issue, I realized … that’s super illegal.

Let me preface this by saying, I feel for you. That sucks, but honestly, Airbnbs are amazing. What do you think I stay in when I head to Scotland to visit Nessie every year?

I’m not saying it’s OK for people to engage in loud parties every night and make your life miserable, but having vacation rentals in your neighborhood is par for the course when you live in a place as sweet as Lake Tahoe. Unless you want to be that crazed person calling the cops all the time, you need to find a way to chill.

So here’s my advice: If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Next time pop on over to that wild party with a six-pack of wine coolers and let your hair down. You can sleep when you’re dead. YOLO. Etc. Etc.

Also, maybe give me a call? It’s been a while since I’ve let the party animal out of the cage.

Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to tahoetessie@tahoedailytribune.com.