Ask Tessie: What did you think of the Tessie-themed show at Benko Art Gallery?
Did you see the art show at Benko Art Gallery devoted entirely to you? What did you think?
I Think They Made You Look Kind Of Fat
Real talk: I snuck into the gallery the other day to check it out. I didn’t want to be seen waltzing in there because then everyone would finally know just how vain and self-absorbed I really am. But now that I think about it, given my love of always being right, criticizing others and telling people what to do in this column, that cat is probably already out of the bag.
To be honest, I went into this with low expectations. I like to keep an air of mystery about me, so very few have actually had the honor of checking out my sweet bod. Surprisingly, almost every one of the art pieces captured my essence beautifully. There was a badass quilt featuring ME, a painting where I was transformed into origami (my fave), and another where I was turned into a sultry Ariel-esque mermaid (not accurate, but a tip of the hat for the effort).
And then there was the sculpture of me (pictured here) looking like a seal/vampire child/Nosferatu/scuba diver. I’ve got to be honest when I first saw it I may have jumped back in horror, but I’ve got to give the artist mad props for creativity. Also, I think if we started spreading the idea that there is something like that swimming around in Tahoe we might be able to majorly cut down on the number of people clogging up the beaches.
Also, to you fools who painted me as dead: You suck.
But ultimately I don’t think it’s right to criticize people for putting themselves out there and making art. These people actually spent time doing something other than catching up on episodes of Game of Thrones and posting pictures of their food on Instagram, so for that, I salute them.
P.S. The next art show will include work inspired by Sasquatch. It will be cool, I guess, but nothing like mine so you should probably get down to Benko Art Gallery ASAP.