Ask Tessie: What do you think about LimeBikes?
I am not a fan of the LimeBike sharing program that’s going on in South Lake Tahoe right now. They are such an eye sore, just sitting there all over town. Plus, they have got to be affecting business for local bike rental stores. What do you think?
Let’s Keep Everything Exactly The Same in Lake Tahoe
Whine, whine, whine, whine, whine. You and the other grumblers around town are the reason we can’t have nice things here on the South Shore. I’m calling Mark Zuckerberg right now to revoke your Facebook privileges because you are most definitely one of the people posting photos of the bikes at various businesses around town, calling them “slime bikes” — real creative by the way; have you considered taking up poetry? — and saying they are degrading the scenery.
You know what degrades the scenery of Tahoe? SMOG FROM CARS. Here we have this amazing program come to our community — one that would not normally be an option for a town of our size because of the high cost of docking systems — and all you can do is complain. It’s infuriating.
So in case I wasn’t clear, I think the LimeBikes are amazing. I see people riding them all over town, both locals and tourists. And from conversations I’ve had, these are people who would normally be driving their cars or walking, not ones who were originally looking to rent from a bike shop. The single-gear, heavy bikes are intended to be commuter bikes, not for people out for a pleasure ride.
Don’t worry, people will still be out clogging the back roads with those ridiculous four-person surrey bikes.
I know you’re probably reading this with steam coming out of your ears because you’ve lived in Tahoe since the 1800s and you’re a LOCAL BY GOD! but please consider this: What if you took all that energy you spend complaining and just being a Negative Nancy in general and did something positive? Maybe you could pick up one of the LimeBikes that has fallen over so that it looks better to you. Or instead of flapping your gums on Facebook, why don’t you send a letter with constructive criticism to the support staff that is in town (which includes two newly hired local employees, BTW).
Or you could just move.
Why is everyone in Tahoe so obsessed with cornhole? I don’t get it.
What Happened To Horse Shoes?
Walk into any of the dozen breweries that seem to have popped up on Lake Tahoe’s South Shore and you’re sure to see a gaggle of 20-to-30-somethings sipping on craft beer and tossing bean bags into a hole. Why you ask?
I. Have. No. Idea.
But people here love it, so you better get on board. With that in mind, here is a quick schooling on some lesser-known cornhole lingo that will make people think you’re super smart and a professional cornhole player.
Cow pie: When a bag lands on the board, earning the player one point.
Cornfusion: When players can’t agree on the score after an inning.
Cornholio: When a player throws all four bags into the hole in one inning.
Screaming Eagle: When a bag soars over the board without hitting it. Bonus points if you screech like an eagle when this rookie move is made.
Slippery Granny: Landing three bags in a row on the board. (Yeah … I don’t know why it’s called this.)
Grasshopper: A bag that bounces off the ground and lands on the board to earn the player a point.
Hooker: When you snake a bag around another bag blocking the hole and get it in.
Airmail: When a bag goes directly into the hole without touching the board.
Shotgun: When you decide to go crazy and throw all four bags at once.
Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.