Ask Tessie: What do you think about the plans for ‘another village’ in South Lake Tahoe? | TahoeDailyTribune.com

Ask Tessie: What do you think about the plans for ‘another village’ in South Lake Tahoe?

Tahoe Tessie
Ask Tessie

Dear Tessie,

What do you think about the plans for the big development project going in across from Heavenly Village?

Sincerely,

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That place sounds suh-weet! Did you read those specs? Shopping. Rooftop pool. Outdoor theater. Restaurants. BARS! Now excuse me while I go sell a kidney so I can afford to spend a night in one of those $850/night condos.

I do have a few questions about the place though. What the hell is a high-end bowling alley? That sounds like an oxymoron to me. The last time I checked bowling alleys were about overweight patrons drinking $5 pitchers of skunked beer during league night in a facility built in the 1970s while listening to "Sweet Child of Mine."

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But clearly I'm living life in "The Big Lebowski" fantasy land because this place sounds like it's only going to allow Bay Area tourists and Incline Village people in. (I kid, I kid — I hear you North Shore folks aren't a fan of me poking fun at the giant piles of cash you fill your indoor swimming pools with. My bad. It must be horrible to be characterized as rich. I can totally relate! As a newspaper columnist people are constantly trying to get after my giant reserves of money. It's the worst.)

I hope they have one of those vapor bars where you inhale your martini and men in tuxedos bring you plates of sashimi in between turns. And I for sure don't want to fetch my own ball. Fingers crossed there are butlers who carry them to you.

Baller bowling alley aside, if the projections are correct, this development is about to dump $14 million in transient occupancy tax and $1.4 million in sales tax into South Lake Tahoe annually. DO YOU SEE THE POSSIBILITIES?

You think our roads in South Lake Tahoe are bad? With that kind of money we can resurface them with bars of gold. Forget public bus services — let's start traveling by jet. We could add a complimentary car wash feature to the new Loop Road. Just think of how many overpriced statues we could erect around the city!

Got other ideas for how the city could spend the money? Holler at me: tahoetessie@tahoedailytribune.com.

Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to tahoetessie@tahoedailytribune.com.