Ask Tessie: What etiquette should people know for hot springing near Tahoe?
March 12, 2018
It's hot spring season! That time of year when you drive out into the valleys surrounding Tahoe in search of geothermal pools set in the most beautiful landscapes you've ever seen. But, just like with all good things, people tend to ruin them. As a much-respected member of the community, would you school people on how to not act like a total goon while soaking?
So rule number one for hot springs newbs: Do not tag the hot spring on social media, dumb-dumbs.
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Little known fact: I frequently take weekend excursions out of the chilly waters of Lake Tahoe to get my soak on in the high-dez with a six-pack. And no, I will not tell you where. You seem kind of annoying.
Luckily for you, some of the best hot springs in California and Nevada are a trek to get to — as in you're driving on muddy dirt roads past "No Trespassing" signs — so that cuts out a majority of Prius drivers who would geotag it on their Instagram stories and blow the spot wide open.
So rule No. 1 for hot springs newbs: Do not tag the hot spring on social media, dumb-dumbs. Stop taking duck-faced selfies and sending Snapchats with filters that make you look like a fairy for two freakin' hours and enjoy the great outdoors. The mud in hot springs is thought to be purifying, so maybe it can suck out some of your narcissism.
And while chugging a cold one is quite possibly the best compliment to a steamy soak in Mother Nature's bathtub, that sucker better be out of a can. I swear to Lucifer if I see someone with their lips wrapped around a Peach Bellini Smirnoff Ice, I'm going to lose it. Ain't nobody got time to get their feet (or fins) stitched up from broken glass.
Unfortunately, there will be times when you have to share the springs with other people. (UGH, other people — amiright?) Since most folks these days tend to go about life oblivious to how they are affecting others, I feel it necessary to impart this simple, but tried-and-true, wisdom: Be cool, man!
If the hot springers happen to be soaking sans suits — which I highly recommend — wipe that deer-in-headlights look off your face and go with the flow! On that same note, if you come up to a spring and see a family enjoying a wholesome day outside, read the vibe and don't rip off your tear-away pants like you're an NBA starter walking onto the court for a playoff game.
While we're on the subject of clothes, serious soakers forgo the towel. It's all about that robe, baby. Not only does it make you feel as sophisticated as Hugh Hefner (RIP), but it's way more practical.
And lastly, though many of you know I subscribe to the school of natural selection, I guess I must warn you not to do a swan dive into a hot spring that you haven't temp tested yet. It might save you from becoming a blistering ball of misery. You're welcome.
What do you have against Prius drivers? You're always making fun of them.
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Your car looks like a jellybean and it drives like one, too. Need I say more?
Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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