Ask Tessie: Where have you been? Things are a mess
April 23, 2018
Where have you been? Things have gotten a little out of hand around here. I think our entire community is in need of a pep talk.
Considering Moving to Mammoth
Hey losers. I'm back — and not super happy about it. I went on a surf trip to Nicaragua then hit up Coachella to see Queen B. I was stoked to come home and relax, but clearly I need to give everyone some serious life coaching on a variety of subjects.
I was gone for one month — ONE MONTH — and crap has hit the fan!
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First off, quit your griping about the freaking LimeBike scooters.
A. Those things look like a blast. Clearly you are out of touch with your inner child. B. There is a special place in hell for you #limebikechallenge people who think that damaging the property of a company for your enjoyment and flaunting it on the internet is funny. C. How about you jump off Facebook where you spend your day complaining about things like LimeBike and actually go outside and ride a bike. Maybe that little boost of dopamine from exercise will help you to not be such a horrible person.
Next, I would like to discuss the soap opera that is our local city government. First this secretive review into our city leadership, now this finger pointing about councilmembers saying things they weren't supposed to say in closed session.
The best part about these claims of breaking the Brown Act? Apparently no one can say one freakin' thing about them to the public because of…wait for it…THE BROWN ACT. Also, fairly sure most people don't even know what the Brown Act is.
At this point I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out an evil twin has been impersonating a councilmember or there's a love child involved in this somehow.
I tuned in to Tuesday's meeting from the comfort of my Cave Rock abode with a bucket of popcorn and glass of wine to play my usual drinking game — one drink for every public comment where council gets berated by an angry resident and two drinks every time a pressing issue gets pushed off to a future special meeting.
Other than a few awkward moments, they all seemed chummy like one of them had not just made incredibly serious allegations against the others prompting an investigation by the District Attorney. So there's that.
(Side note: I've got mad respect for the people who choose to do that job because it honestly looks so miserable.)
And finally, it looks like this petition asking people to vote on whether vacation home rentals should be allowed in neighborhoods is going to be on November's ballot. That means that the 1,400 permitted homes outside of the tourist core could potentially be phased out over three-years. FACE PALM. See ya later tourists! Thanks for spending money here all those years! I hope the North and West shores treat you well.
On the bright side, it looks like we are getting cannabis stores soon. Thank god because at this point I think they need to start piping that stuff out into the air.
Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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