Ask Tessie: Why are people complaining about AMGEN? |

Ask Tessie: Why are people complaining about AMGEN?

Dear Tessie,

I think having the AMGEN Tour of California Bike Race come to our mountain community is amazing. It sheds a great light on Lake Tahoe, it’s fun to watch, and it also is an economic boost. Can you please explain to all the whiners why being delayed in traffic for an hour is ultimately not a big deal?


Get Over Yourself

Preach, sista! If you’ve learned one thing from reading my column over the past couple of months it should be this: Tessie hates whiners. And I think due to the high elevation of Lake Tahoe, whiners have a higher-pitched, more grating tone to them. Boo freakin’ hoo, you were stuck in traffic for under an hour in one of the most beautiful places on Earth because 99 of the most talented and hard-working cyclists from around the world want to participate in an epic race in your town.

Guess what? Some people don’t have food to feed their kids. Others live in countries that are being bombed. So take your first-world problems and stick them where the sun don’t shine.

However, this does bring up an important topic I would like to address — sharing the road.

So this one is for you, dude with hairless legs and neon green spandex so tight you must’ve covered yourself in Vaseline just to squeeze into them. The bike lane is not a sign of weakness, so stay the hell in it. I know you are a better person than me because you are getting exercise, saving the environment, yada yada yada, but when I do happen to hop out of the lake and into my suped-up Suby, I would prefer not to hit someone with a car because they consider the bike lane more of a suggestion. That would be emotionally scarring, and I don’t have time for therapy.

Dear Tessie,

The slopes are closed, but most of the trails are still too snowy to hike. I’m in need of some in-between-seasons activities. Any suggestions?


I Need To Get Off The Hill

Alright, try this one on for size. My peeps over at the League To Save Lake Tahoe are always doing good stuff to keep this here lake of ours clean and healthy. I respect that.

Volunteers recently cleaned up 500 pounds of trash from the sledding hill near Spooner Summit — like legitimately picked up dirty baby diapers, beer bottles and pieces of broken sleds. (Side note: Humans are disgusting.) Now, that may not sound like a whole lot of fun, but you know what is fun? The feeling of absolute superiority when you are done. You have earned the right to walk around, scoffing at the mere mortals around you who did nothing with their day but binge-watch “13 Reasons Why” and eat Funyuns on their couch. You, my friend, are a cooler, smarter, better-looking person for having done such a deed.

There are tons of programs you can get involved with in the League, but also with other organizations around the lake. Build trails with TAMBA (I hear they throw great parties). Donate your time to Live Violence Free. Cook a meal for Bread & Breath.

Now excuse me, that nap is not going to take itself.

Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to

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