Ask Tessie: Why are people in Tahoe obsessed with bumper stickers?
September 11, 2017
Why do so many people in Lake Tahoe have their cars, water bottles and laptops plastered with stickers? Am I missing something? Sincerely,
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Bumper stickers — and any other stickers that people plaster all over their belongings — are the offline equivalent of a Facebook post. How else are other people going to know how cool you are if they can't see that you do, in fact, "Drink Tahoe Brew" and are very much behind "Keep Tahoe Blue"?
If you need strangers to know about your trip to Yosemite, the marathon you ran last year, and that in 2016, you were down with Bernie Sanders, there are stickers for that. We Tahoe people don't just see a plastic receptacle for holding water or a rear windshield; we see a blank canvas rife with possibilities — a surface just waiting to be decorated with stickers like "Ski Heavenly," "Baby on Board" and "My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student."
We are a creative bunch with an insatiable need to shove our identities upon the person tailing us down U.S. 50. It's just who we are.
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Summer is coming to a close, and I want to go out with a bang. If you had to choose a handful of must-do activities before fall settles in, what would you pick?
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You came to the right person. A wise man once said, "I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade. I will be the loudest voice." This wise man is Kanye West — and I, dear readers, am the Kanye West of Lake Tahoe. My ideas are the dopest, so listen here.
First off, you've got to climb Mt. Tallac. You've likely been pussyfooting around this for quite some time. "Oh, my back really hurts from wakeboarding so much this summer, I really shouldn't." Well shut up and get hiking because I'm not falling for it. The views are second to none, and it's a Tahoe right of passage.
After you've hobbled your way up to 9,738 feet above sea level, it's time to head back down for some cliff jumping at Rubicon Point. Don't be a pansy — just jump.
If you haven't done a wine cruise on Lake Tahoe, then you haven't lived. Hop aboard the Safari Rose or Golden Rose and prepare for two hours of bliss as you boat into the sunset sipping Chardonnay (unless you're onboard with a bunch of really annoying people, which is entirely possible).
Finally, get in a round of golf at one of the South Shore courses before they close up shop for the season. Slap on your favorite pair of plaid pantaloons and pretend like it's actually fun to hit around a tiny white ball that never seems to go where you want it to.
Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to email@example.com.
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