Column: Single life no walk in the park |

Column: Single life no walk in the park

by Denise Sloan, Tribune Entertainment Editor

A woman friend of mine has been going out to dinner with a man for the last two months. I guess you call that dating or even the possible beginning of a romance.

They seem to enjoy each other’s company but, so far, they have kept their distance physically and emotionally. He doesn’t live here so there’s a distance problem there as well.

I don’t believe that you can learn enough about someone in two months of having dinner together once a week to know the important things about them.

There should be a questionnaire created for single people to fill out – before you accept that first dinner date. It would save a lot of time, money, heartache and possibly even a bad marriage. My questionnaire would include such details as their spiritual beliefs, goals for the future, financial situation and information about their relationships with previous women and their family members.

I’d also want to know his hobbies, interests and career goals. As for the finances, they don’t have to be rich, but no lazy bums allowed.

Anyway, back to my friend who’s dining out with a guy she’s interested in. They talk on the phone twice a week and e-mail each other much more often than that. I find e-mail very impersonal, but to each his own.

Here’s where it gets fishy.

Their e-mails are cute with an occasional slightly risque line tossed in.

OK, now she’s becoming more interested. However, in person, he’s a different guy.

It’s one thing to write cutesy e-mails that hint at romance. It’s another thing to say something romantic to a woman’s face. Don’t get me wrong, from his e-mails, I’d probably tell her to go for it.

But – and here’s a great big but – in person he is rather stale and very unromantic.

What should she do now?

She’s already “taken with him” because of what he puts into the computer, which is nearly every day. The once-a-week dinner dates are still fairly pleasant but the occasional phone calls are already becoming stale and boring.

Which side of this guy should she believe? Who is he really? Cute and charming or dull and unromantic?

I’m withholding names here to protect the guilty but here’s an example of one of their e-mail series when she finally invited him to her house.

“When you come for dinner Tuesday, you can bring your jammies. I have a guest room plus guest bathroom you can have.”

His e-mail to her the next day was: “There is no problem with my jammies, I was born with them.”

OK, I’ll admit that’s cute and slightly suggestive.

She responded the next day with: “About your ‘jammies,’ – we must have shopped at the same place because mine are just like yours. Well, not exactly.”

Again, cute and nothing blatant.

The next day he e-mailed her back: “Your jammies sound nicer than mine.”

So what should she do? Hang in there for his charming and slightly romantic e-mails and mildly pleasant dinners or dump the chump?

She rarely takes my advice and usually regrets it later, but I’d say lose the loser. If she wants a guy who is romantic but it’s only through e-mail, that’s not enough and eventually she’ll be unhappy with him. However, with so few prospects on the horizon, I understand her reluctance to dismiss the dork.

I also have a few more bits of advice that come in the form of music. Since entertainment is my game, it seems to fit.

She should listen to “Hit The Road Jack,” “You’re No Good,” “Too Many Fish in the Sea,” “It’s all Over Now,” “The Feeling is Gone” and “It’s Too Late.” Those are just a few of the tunes I can think of that would motivate her to quit wasting her time.

Will she take my advice? No.

Don’t we all justify someone who pays attention to us, even if it’s only electronically? Of course.

Will we ever learn not to settle for anything less than the best for us? God, I hope so.

So her e-mail courtship has become tiresome and she should put an end to a relationship that is going nowhere.

Dump the chump, don’t take second best. She should change her e-mail address or cancel her account all together. She’ll be happier in the end and I’ll sleep better tonight. We should never settle for anything that’s not the best for us. Did I mention that the loser still has an old girlfriend on the side?

Ugh. I can sympathize with her situation. At times, single life is no picnic.

-Denise Sloan is the entertainment editor for the Tahoe Daily Tribune.

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