Kirk Caraway: Obama, McCain debate – POWs for change! |

Kirk Caraway: Obama, McCain debate – POWs for change!

Kirk Caraway

Today, we tune into Future News Network for a peek into the outlook for the presidential race.

Moderator: “Welcome to the first presidential debate between Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain. Let’s start with Sen. McCain.”

McCain: “Age before beauty.”

Obama: “Is that another Paris Hilton joke?”

Moderator: “Senator, how will you fight the war in Iraq differently?”

McCain: “My friends, I was a POW, and I know how to win wars. And we are going to win in Iraq.”

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Moderator: “But how?”

McCain: “Because I’m a POW, and I won’t lose a war to win an election like my opponent.”

Obama: “Are you questioning my patriotism?”

McCain: “I’m a POW, and I would never question your patriotism. You just hate America.”

Obama: “Do not!”

Moderator: “Gentlemen, please. Sen. Obama, same question.”

Obama: “What we need here is change. The only way to fix the mess in Iraq is to change what we are doing there.”

Moderator: “But what kind of change are you seeking?”

Obama: “Change you can believe in.”

Moderator: “OK, next question goes to Sen. Obama. Health care is cited as one of the top issues for Americans. What is your plan to curtail rising health-care costs?”

Obama: “Under my plan, we will change the health-care system in this country so that all Americans are covered. That’s change you can believe in.”

Moderator: “Thank you. And now your turn, Sen. McCain.”

McCain: “I know a little about not having access to health care. I spent 51Ú2 years as a POW with two broken arms. We don’t want government-run health care like I got back then, which is what my opponent wants.”

Obama: “Now, Senator, you are distorting my policies again. You know my plan is all about change, while yours is the same old thing we got now.”

McCain: “How dare you call me old! I’m a POW!”

Moderator: “Gentlemen, please refrain from addressing each other directly. Let me go on to the next question. Sen. McCain, you have been described by some of your own Republican colleagues as having a problem with your temper. Is that true?”

McCain: “Hell, no! Who said I had a temper problem?! Don’t they know I’m a POW!”

Moderator: “Easy, Senator, it was just a question. Sen. Obama, you’ve been portrayed as a big celebrity, addicted to the limelight. What do you think about that?

Obama: “Just because I’m more popular than Jesus and hundreds of thousands of Germans love me doesn’t make me a celebrity. I have many celebrity friends. Scarlett Johansson just e-mailed me before we went on. They all say I’m not a celebrity. I’m for change – change you can believe in.”

Moderator: “Let’s switch topics to the economy now. Sen. McCain, are you rich?”

McCain: “Nah, I’m just like all good Americans, but I’m a maverick. And a POW.”

Moderator: “How much money do you have to make to be considered rich?”

McCain: “Oh, maybe $5 million.”

Obama: “Five million?”

Moderator: “Quiet, please. Back to you, Sen. McCain. How many houses do you own?”

McCain: “I’m not sure. I’ll have to check with my staff.”

Obama: “You don’t know how many houses you own?”

McCain: “Hey, you made $4 million last year, so you have no room to complain, Mr. Change.”

Obama: “And by your calculations, that makes me middle class.”

McCain: “POW! POW!”

Obama: “Change! Change!”

Rudy Giuliani: “9/11! 9/11!”

Moderator: “Please sit down and be quiet, Mr. Mayor. Now, it’s your turn, Sen. Obama. You have been accused of being an arugula-eating elitist. Is that true?”

Obama: “What’s wrong with arugula? It’s a nice CHANGE from lettuce.”

McCain: “Enough with the change stuff already. At least as a POW, I didn’t have to listen to this dribble over and over.”

Moderator: “Sen. Obama, what about the remarks you made about Americans being ‘bitter’?”

Obama: “Americans aren’t bitter. They want change. Arugula, now that’s bitter.”

Moderator: “So you like bitter?”

Obama: “No, I like change. Change you can believe in.”

McCain: “Change the channel, Senator! Maybe try the History Channel, where they might be running my story of when I was a POW!”

Moderator: “I’m ready to turn off the TV right now.”

Hillary Clinton: “Did someone say ready? Because I’m ready on Day One!”

– Kirk Caraway of Carson City writes for Swift Communications, Inc. He can be reached through his blog at