Letters to the editor for Nov. 20
In 2007, the Lord came unto Noah and said, “Once again, the Earth has become wicked and overpopulated. Build another ark, save two of every living thing. You have six months before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard. “Noah!” he roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I’ve violated neighborhood-zoning laws by building the ark in my yard and exceeding height limitations, necessitating a decision by the Development Appeal Board.
“Then, the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for future costs of moving power lines and overhead obstructions for the ark’s clear passage to the sea, despite me informing them that the sea would be coming to us! Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!
“An animal-rights group sued me for confining wild animals against their will, arguing the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane putting so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
“Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of my crew. The unions say I can’t use my sons, insisting I can only hire union workers with ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark.”
Suddenly, the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“No,” said the Lord. “The government beat me to it.”
(Found on the Internet)