Santa clears up the whole naughty-nice thing
Saint Nick stops by for goodness’ sake
Santa Claus made a pre-Christmas visit around Lake Tahoe on Wednesday, stopping by the Tahoe Daily Tribune to answer a few questions. Here’s his take on the holiday season, and who’s been naughty and nice.
Santa, how is it that you can be all around the world in one night? I have a jet turbo engine powered by nine reindeer who eat Power Bar mush.
What kind of cookies do you like and not like? I like chocolate chip cookies and sugar cookies and oatmeal cookies. I like all cookies. But I don’t like fruitcake. It’s disgusting and I wish children would stop leaving it.
You have a belly. Don’t you worry about clogged arteries? No because I’m older than the wishes of children and I’ve made it this far.
For goodness’ sake Santa, how do you know when a child has been naughty or nice? The parents have a secret number to the North Pole that they only know and can call HEIC. HEIC stand for Head Elf In Charge. He tells me everything.
Being in Tahoe, men wear beards traditionally in winter and shave them in summer. Do you ever shave your beard? No. Never. I keep it long since the North Pole is always cold.
How cold is the North Pole? It’s colder than the Grinch’s heart.
What’s the most requested toy this year? Playstation 2 and the X-Box
What kind of music does Santa Claus listen to? Christmas rock and roll. I like Bruce Springsteen’s story about when I come to town. There’s a part in it where he starts to laugh in the middle of the song. I always wondered what was so darn funny.
Who is undeserving of a gift this year? Paris Hilton.
What do you, Santa, want for Christmas? World peace, first. Second, I would like for all the kids to be good little boys and girls.
What are you giving Mrs. Claus? Mrs. Claus is getting a 50-year-makeover. Hair, nails, the works.
What do you do when a home has no chimney? How do you get in the house? If they have a dog door, I use the dog door; if they don’t, I use the oven vent.
How long do you plan to keep going with this tradition of Christmas and giving? As long as the Christmas spirit remains alive.