See ‘Deuce Bigalow’ sequel … if you have nothing better to do |

See ‘Deuce Bigalow’ sequel … if you have nothing better to do

Howie Nave

Deuce Bigalow (Rob Schneider) returns as a gigolo in Europe in "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo."

You know what’s interesting about this movie? It will probably do bang-up biz at the box office mainly because there are no other flicks being released this week. I like to make the comparison that you’re at a buffet that serves only one entrée and you’re really hungry. Given no other consumption options, chances are you’ll go with whatever is there.

I mean, sure, there is something to be said about a movie that is just a non-thinking piece of whatever you may want to see because life is difficult out there in the world. But you also want to feel that the time spent viewing a movie is not a complete waste. I did like “Wedding Crashers.” Good, mindless fun.

Still, if you want to know why “Dukes of Hazzard” did well last weekend, look at the options available. No other “new” movies were released that weekend (“March of the Penguins” technically has been out since last month), leaving “Hazzard” to claim the top spot. I think that’s why “Penguins” is doing awesome returns at the box office. OK, maybe because those Emperor penguins had no clothes on (like Jessica Simpson), but I like to think that the story was a nice departure from the usual drek, delivered week after week in remake mode out of Hollywood, that made people want to see the “alternative” movie instead. It’s all apples and oranges, I realize, but it offers me some encouragement to see the populus checking out the “word-of-mouth” flick instead of the usual course of a no-calorie offering.

With that said, Rob Schneider is back with a sequel after his first offering with “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo” from 1999. Produced by his good buddy Adam Sandler (and his production company, Happy Madison Productions) Schneider has given us a movie that was … well, way too long to release as a sequel.

Then again, why did he have to release this at all? Maybe because that way he can include his buddies in the film. Sandler almost always has Schneider in his movies, usually in a cameo role. Rob (who shares writing credits as well) wasn’t able to get Disney to distribute the picture this time around. I am still scratching my head that Disney distributed his original movie! I wonder what the Disney execs were thinking. Apparently they were interested in the sequel (money does motivate the Mouse in the least expected places) if Schneider agreed to give the movie a PG-13 rating, but he balked. I mean, can you have a gigolo story in anything less than an R rating? Actually, I think Disney wanted the Pinocchio-like character in this flick removed because, well, just think about what grows on Pinocchio and use your twisted imagination.

Directed by Mike Bigelow (coincidence?) this movie is his first feature-length project. His past work mainly involved directing television commercials. Hope he has product to push. Still, he does coax some funny moments out of Rob, even though I still believe this character would have been more entertaining as a sketch from “Saturday Night Live” and not one running gag that goes for 85 minutes. Too long.

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It’s probably a good idea to rent the first “Bigalow” to get an idea as to why his character came into being, but no biggie if you don’t have the time. I don’t think I could watch it again myself. Let’s just say that he is “green” to the profession (still?) and winds up in England where they have a school for fellow man-whores. Yep, as tasteless as it appears, he once again gets a clientele befitting his expertise, and soon finds himself back with his agent/pimp T. J. Hicks (Eddie Griffin) who is in a little bit of trouble. OK, way over his head, and as thin as the script sounds, employs Deuce to return to his old tricks (in a manner of speaking) to raise money for his defense. For what? I’m sorry you’ll have to go see for yourself, since I had to endure it! Suffice it to say he raises money the old-fashioned way: in a horizontal approach, which is the catalyst for a whole new set of weird characters this time around.

The idea of Rob Schneider as a lover-for-hire is pretty funny in itself, and considering he is playing this fish-out-of-water character, who doesn’t see himself as a he-whore but winds up being a popular commodity, works well at first on paper. Taking it from the written page to the big screen, lasting as long as it did, was just too long to make for an entertaining experience. I felt like I was just screwed and not paid for it.

– Howie Nave is host/manager of The Improv Comedy Club inside Harveys and reviews films for seven radio stations throughout northern California and Nevada. He co-hosts the morning on Tahoe’s KRLT radio and you can see his film reviews every Friday morning on KOLO ABC TV channel 8 and weekends on KMTN television here in South Lake Tahoe.