Mail bag is full of surprises |

Mail bag is full of surprises

Rick Chandler, Tribune correspondent

So the NCAA Basketball Tournament is only a few hours old and here you are, reading the newspaper. That can only mean one thing D your teams have been eliminated. Poor dope. Wagner? Austin Peay? We begged you not to choose Colorado State over Duke. But did you listen? Do you ever listen?

Time and time again our opinions in this column are overlooked D with a few exceptions. Apparently many of you read the paper in the same area in which your computers are located. Many of you are not averse to placing the paper on the desk (or throwing it), turning on the computer (or throwing it) and typing out a witty missive to yours truly (or making certain vague threats). Why, here are a few of your letters now.

On last week’s column concerning golf:

Dear Mr. Chandler,

I read with interest your article about women’s golf. I appreciate your take on the issue, but I thought I would make these comments.

Golf handicaps in two ways. A player’s score may be adjusted by stroke or a player may start from a different tee altering the distance to the hole. The distance issue appears to be based solely on strength. Men’s, ladies and seniors are the standard variations, but there are other ones. Some golf courses have four tee boxes for each hole with some called championship or tournament tees.

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Sorry if you knew all that already. It was not clear from your article. The point I want to make is golf takes into consideration the strength of the player as part of the game. Boxing and wrestling do the same thing by weight classes. I am not suggesting women get on scales. LOL


The only thing I know about golf is that before this Iraq thing is over, we’ll all be driving golf carts to work.

EI received the following e-mail from a guy named Jeff, concerning a column on the NCAA tournament. Somewhere, I think, I mentioned the impending war, and that two of our allies were Spain and Mexico (with Mexico recently dropping out. I mean, if your next-door neighbors won’t even fight with you, something’s wrong).

Got Spain and Mexico on your side? Do I detect an anti-Hispanic sentiment? No …I detect outright racism. I see you’re ignorant enough to leave out England, Italy, etc. etc. But to appeal to your racist

Cryptically, the letter ends right there. I have to wonder what happened to Jeff. Why was he unable to complete his letter? Did he fall off his chair? Was there a power failure? I actually began to worry. Did Jeff get so worked up that, in a fit of rage, he slammed his head onto the keyboard, inadvertently sending the incomplete letter? Appeals to my racist what, Jeff? I have to know. Please write.

Concerning a column on Native American nicknames for sports teams:

It absolutely dumbfounds me that the Redskins have not had a different name for many years.E Gee whiz, they could change it to the very cool ‘Warriors’ without even having to change their logo.

On the other hand, some Native Americans need to appreciate that sometimes, it’s a matter of respect.E For example, the US Army names all of its helicopters after tribes because they were so good at kicking the Army’s rear end.E And no, that doesn’t mean the Army doesn’t appreciate that Native American culture was only about war.E (Although, to be fair, they fought among each other a whole lot before the white folks showed up).


What always gets me is that, with 90 percent of the letters I receive, the writer just launches in — with no salutation, no “Dear Bonehead,” no nuthin’. Then, eventually, the letter just ends E the thought petering out like the last wisps of campfire smoke. May I suggest two things? E a cheery greeting (“Hello and huzzah! Here’s a letter!”) and a forceful, heartfelt ending (” E and he never, ever, attempted to juggle porcupines again. The End.”).

A column detailing my hatred of the song “Who Let the Dogs Out?” elicited this response, from KMS:

The dogs should be let out on YOU. Give these guys a break. Let the people decide, after all they are still singing “We Are The Champions” and “Charge” or hadn’t you noticed?

Baseball strike? This reader has no opinion. But insult the Baha Men, and he gets mad enough to write a letter.

Dear Mr. Chandler: Is there a “rate this article” thing in the paper? I need to know because I was going to rate your latest column a big, fat 1, but I couldn’t find it. Oh well. D GH

I know your system must have 1 as the best, and 10 as the worst. Right, GH? Right? That is it E right?

The World Wrestling Federation is such a joke. How can we allow the continuation of filth into our homes any longer? What is this country coming to? The USA needs a new direction.

Yes, I agree. And here is that new direction.

I am a Browns fan, so needless to say I won’t be watching Monday Night Football for a few years to come.

— Proud to be, White Trash.

And now, back to pro wrestling.

If you are going to do a story on wresting, at least get the names right. The wrestler’s name is Rikishi, and his patented move is the “Stinkface.”

I am filled with shame.

I relly don’t know who the best pitcer is and I really don’t care. Nowtake the Yankees we have 5 dam good pitcers. In a percet world we’d all be yankee(fans).

— stephanie johnson.

This perfetct world of yours, Stephanie E does it have spell check?

And we close with my favorite, which appeared out of the blue about a year ago:

You may want to cover a guy with a car painted to look like a baseball cap. He was in Atlanta, and is on his way along the east coast, and he’ll be in New York around July 20.

— P. Branaugh.

I was speeding on my way to cover that, when I passed a guy in a truck painted to look like a giant ham traveling in the other direction. I was hungry, so I made a u-turn. Sorry.

— Rick Chandler’s interactive sports column, Capacity Crowd, can be found at Contact him at