Tahoe resident struggles with death of spouse in her first book | TahoeDailyTribune.com

Tahoe resident struggles with death of spouse in her first book

Christina Proctor

When Audrey J. Saabye was 10 years old she dreamed of her future husband. She found him six years later and imagined celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary, but it wasn’t to be.

After 38 years, eight months, and two weeks of marriage Bill Saabye died of liver cancer. More than 10 years after his death Saabye, a 10-year South Lake Tahoe resident, tells her struggle to overcome her fear of losing her husband in her first book, “Love is Forever.”

“I always knew I was going to have to write a book someday and I’ve been keeping notes all my life,” Saabye said.

The 66-year-old widow explained that although her husband is dead in the “physical” sense he is always with her.

“I don’t feel lonely,” Saabye said. “I enjoy my solitude and space. Even when I was a child there was always something in the back of my mind that said we could tune into something higher.”

For Saabye that frequency is Spiritualism, a belief in reincarnation, and group she calls Mark-Age. Raised in the Methodist Church in central California, Saabye said she always had problems with certain teachings of her church and rebelled against them.

“I was never cynical or skeptic of the belief that we could talk with spirits or that there was something more to life,” Saabye said. “There are signs for everyone, people just don’t listen.”

In writing about her life and marriage Saabye said she healed. She was even able to face the harder times in her past. Saabye said that in her need to figure out her own beliefs her children suffered.

“I wasn’t a good mother,” Saabye admitted. “Bill was a good father. He picked up the slack. I always looked forward to the day they would be grown and on their own. I wanted Bill all to myself … . There were definitely times when we both thought we were willing to walk out, but the last 10 years were beautiful. We had a wonderful time. While I wrote I cried and I laughed. It was a cleansing and a healing.”

Still, the hard times early on mark her present life. Saabye said her youngest son refuses to communicate with her even though his children keep in contact. Saabye said her son has problems he needs to work out for himself.

In her book Saabye talks about communicating with her husband through “automatic writing.”

“I meditate and pick up the pen and it just comes,” Saabye said. Excerpts of her automatic writing sessions fill much of the book. Saabye tells first of messages from a spiritual guide and then after his death from her husband. The communication between Saabye and her dead husband seems to be constant.

“He’s always there when I travel,” Saabye said. “We still have much work to do together. We have shared many past life experiences.”

In response to people who say she is living in the past and refusing to accept reality Saabye said, “It is much more real and true to me than anything they have to offer.”

Copies of Saabye’s book are available at Border’s Books and Longs Drugstore, 2358 Lake Tahoe Blvd.

Tahoe Daily Tribune E-mail: tribune@tahoe.com

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