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The celebrity foursome dream teams I’d like to see

William Ferchland

Wouldn’t it make better television, and first-hand viewing, if you could decide on the celebrity foursomes that would be playing in the American Century Championship?

The idea struck me in an e-mail discussion with a friend who works in the courts in Douglas County. One of his included Rush Limbaugh, Al Franken, O.J. Simpson and the Dalai Lama.

But the electronic conversation got me thinking about other foursomes that would be entertaining to watch. Below is a list of players – most of whom I would guess would be first-timers at the tournament – that keeps up with the tournament’s tradition of luring stars in sports, politics and entertainment. Of course, all these players would be wired for sound.

Sports

Terrell Owens, Drew Rosenhaus, Andy Reid, Donovan McNabb

As one of the most watched subplots of the NFL offseason is Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens’ desire for a new contract after one year with the organization he fought hard to play with. The seven-year, $49 million contract he signed with the Eagles apparently wasn’t enough for Owens, who hired the shark-like agent Rosenhaus to represent him.

The situation caused a rift and instigated a battle of words between Owens and Eagles quarterback McNabb. Coach Reid has been publicly ambivalent about the situation, but 18 holes of golf could fix the problem before training camp Aug. 1. Just think of the gripping television if, at the 18th hole, Owens and Rosenhaus agree to a bet from Reid: “If you miss this 30-yard putt, T.O., you’re playing for us this year at a measly $7 million.”

And if Owens makes it, Andy Reid has to dress up like Raggedy Ann for the first half of the first regular season game.

Vladimir Putin, Robert Kraft, John Madden, Al Michaels

We need to reconvene Russian President Putin and New England Patriots owner Kraft to settle whether Kraft really gave his third Super Bowl ring to Putin as a gift. Or whether Putin slyly pocketed the ring, claiming foreign ignorance as an excuse.

And watching a world leader and powerful businessman squabble over it during 18 holes of golf with commentary by Madden and Michaels would keep me in my seat.

Curt Schilling, Alex Rodriguez, Roger Clemens, Mike Piazza

The Boston Red Sox pitcher has self-professed hate for New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez. There is no love lost between Houston Astros pitcher Roger Clemens and New York Mets catcher Mike Piazza. Great television, especially with golf clubs involved.

Politics

George W. Bush, Karl Rove, James Wilson, Matthew Cooper

The catcalls and questions from the gallery would be relentless for this foursome. Although former ambassador James Wilson is more outspoken on the administration than his wife, publicly identified CIA Agent Valerie Plame, having a highly trained operative such as Plame on the course might bring some high-octane action to the field. And who knows if Plame would take out Rove, suspected of leaking Plame’s identity to the press.

Cooper, a reporter for Time magazine, would be included since Cooper’s circle identified Rove as the possible leak. Talk about tension.

Condoleezza Rice, Colin Powell, Dick Cheney, Jon Stewart

For some reason this group is amusing to me. On the one hand, this foursome could possibly lure the political-minded youth demographic who enjoy the satire of Daily Show host Stewart, who frequently takes jabs at political figures. But those comments are made from the safety of a desk and television studio. Who knows how he’ll react when he’s with the group?

And with Rice, who was chosen as secretary of state, Powell’s old job, and Vice President Cheney, you might have something here. Especially if protesters arrived and make a ruckus.

Entertainment

Bill Murray, Dan Ackroyd, Will Ferrell, Steve Martin

A pure spectacle that would definitely be crowd-friendly. Let’s throw in some bonus money so Murray and Ackroyd can dress up in “Ghostbusters” costumes for three holes. Question: Can a successful drive be made with an unlicensed nuclear accelerator strapped to a player’s back?

John Rocker, Chris Rock, Spike Lee, Dave Chappelle

If former big league pitcher John Rocker hasn’t done away with his racist views, comedians Rock and Chappelle and film director Lee should put him in check. Might want to get the censor person some coffee for this one.

Fictional

Rocky Balboa, Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang, Ivan Drago

My bet is Lang would get on everyone’s nerves, but Creed would take the bait and the two would starting boxing by the second hole. Lang wins. Rocky, content with golf but not very good, would stay out of it until he got pushed too far by Lang, who is gloating about his win over Creed. But Drago gets tired of Lang’s yapping first, knocks him out at the fifth hole, and Rocky and Drago go on to have the worst showing in the tournament’s 16-year history.


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