About four months ago, our family’s life changed forever. Our fiercely strong, active, and independent mother suffered two, nearly back-to-back strokes. As a family, we were blindsided. Our mother was healthy, actively working, and traveling. Throughout this journey there were days when everything felt uncertain; however, we tried our best to remain positive and present to support our parents to encourage healing. However, at times, this was a challenge, as what we didn’t expect to experience- was the sheer amount of ageism our mother would experience.

At approximately 3 pm, on August 1st, I met my parents at the emergency room. They had just returned from a camping trip when my mother started having balance issues. I followed her back to the room, where we were promptly met with numerous medical professionals. A cat scan was ordered, and we received the unfortunate results. She had had a stroke. Shortly after the initial hustle and bustle had died down, a nurse walked in the room and asked, “How do you walk at home?” My mom looked at me confused and before we could even utter a word, he repeated “HOW. DO. YOU. WALK. AT. HOME?” Frustrated with his booming voice and slow pronunciation, I quickly stated that she was completely independent and walking fine before the stroke. Snidely, I added that she could hear just fine as well. After my reply, he quickly left the room without another word. My mom and I looked at each other in disbelief.

Shortly after our encounter with the nurse, a physician entered the room and boldly asked, “How’s retirement”? This time, my daughter Emma was present. Before my mother could even utter a word, Emma said: “Do you know who this woman is? She is an active member of our community who has been actively working in a business she started over 36 years ago. When not working, she has been traveling the world with her husband”! My mom quickly added, “I still drive and even buy my own groceries too”. Shocked, the physician quickly changed his topic of questioning.

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Unfortunately, these were not isolated incidents. My mother, a credentialed care manager and social worker, who spent the last 45 + years advocating for the most vulnerable amongst us, was now being demeaned and made to feel less than because of her age.

In 2022, The University of Michigan completed a study in which 93% of older adults reported experiencing at least one form of ageism daily. Ageism is a dangerous form of discrimination that has proven to lead to poor health outcomes, reluctance to seek assistance and/or medical care, feelings of low self-esteem, isolation, and loneliness. Yet even though the risks are known, it continues to occur.

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According to the American Society on Aging, ageism can be categorized into 5 main types. These are:

· Internal Ageism: This refers to how one sees themselves as aging individuals and may include discrimination against others within the same age group. For example, an older adult who blames age when misplacing their car keys would be considered internal ageism.

· Implicit Ageism: This refers to the unconscious feelings, behaviors, and biases towards certain age groups. For example, the doctor who walked into my mother’s room and assumed she was retired was practicing implicit ageism. He doubled down on this approach when he next asked her who drove her to appointments. Clearly, this was before her reply about her driving/grocery shopping ability.

· Interpersonal Ageism: This involves ageist behavior or comments that occur between individuals. This can be conscious or unconscious behavior. For example, when the nurse repeated his question in a slow, loud voice as if my mother could not hear his question would reflect interpersonal ageism. He assumed because she did not immediately answer him and is 82, she was hard of hearing.

· Cultural Ageism: This includes negative language, jokes and messages about individuals who are aging. For example, the word senior is used frequently when describing an older adult. However, the National Center for Reframing Aging has been completing an ongoing initiative to eliminate this biased term and include language that does not feel “othering”. In 2020, The American Medical Association issued new guidance that stated terms such as senior, elderly, and the aged are discriminatory stereotypes that must be avoided.

· Institutional Ageism: This refers to restrictions in laws, policies and practices. An example of institutional ageism would be a company forcing its workforce of a certain age to retire.

During my years as a credentialed care manager, I have frustratingly encountered the five main types of ageism on many occasions. However, now being exposed to it as a daughter was a perspective I didn’t expect to gain. I was watching the most important woman in my life suffer a major health crisis, while feeling disappointed and upset with how she was being treated.

One day, during a visit at the acute rehab, my mom and started talking about how she was treated. Through frustrated tears, she stated that those who had been tasked to care for her forgot who she was as a person. They had forgotten her human side. Not once did anyone stop to see her as the person she is, the contributions she has made, and the thoughts and feelings she had. Instead, everyone made assumptions about her age, abilities, and her present disabilities. They never took a moment to get to know and truly see her.

So, what can we do? How as a society, can we be better. In the wise words of my mother, Carol S. Heape: “We need to honor individuals and the lives they have and are living. We need to find a better way to truly see everyone as individuals, instead of their age and diagnosis. Remember that people are people”.

Liz Heape-Caldwell, is the co-owner & C.O.O of Elder Options, Inc. As a certified Care Manager, Liz works with the most vulnerable populations to ensure all individuals receive the care, advocacy, compassion, and guidance they deserve.