All bets are off |

All bets are off

Maybe I chose the wrong place to live – after all, I’m not a gambling man.

But my first real hard-core gaming assignment – talking with representatives of the Stateline casinos about proposition betting, or comparing statistics across sports – made me start thinking. Sure, the bookmakers spend hours, days even, analyzing statistics to find the right match for a fair proposition bet. But maybe they haven’t covered everything. Maybe I’ll move across the state line, open up Dan’s Low-Budge Casino and Resort, Lake Tahoe, and offer a few proposition bets of my own:

n Dennis Rodman’s rebounds in his first game with the Mavericks vs. Dennis Rodman’s stitches in his next publicized altercation with Carmen Electra.

n Votes for former University of Nebraska head coach Tom Osborne when he runs for Bob Kerry’s vacant Congressional seat in November vs. Nebraska’s points in its home football opener against visiting College of the Sisters of the Poor, La.

Osborne must not have to issue Congressional pardon for Lawrence Phillips for action.

n Number of job openings to surface in association with former New York Jets assistant/head coach/amateur litigator Bill Belichick vs. the final number of teams in the NFL after the league’s 2002 expansion.

n Mo Vaughn’s batting average with the Anaheim Angels at the end of the 2000 Major League Baseball season vs. Vaughn’s weight in pounds at the start of spring training.

n Number of free throws Los Angeles Lakers center Shaquille O’Neal will make this year vs. total Lakers spiritual trips to Lakota sweat lodges with head coach Phil Jackson.

n Number of Bobby Knight’s career coaching wins after 1999 NCAA Tournament vs. number of birdshot pellets Knight distributes among buttocks of friends on next hunting trip.

Knight must not serve jail time for attacking sportswriters for action.

n Number of wins by the Golden State Warriors during the 2000-2001 NBA season vs. the number of jobs former Warriors coach P.J. Carlesimo will hold which require Carlesimo to ask, “Would you like fries with that?”

– Action on Dan Thomas’s propositions, and this column, are null and void if Jerome Bettis calls the coin toss

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