Colts vs. Pats rivalry not as big as the hype
Even if you aren’t a football fan, you’re probably aware that the New England Patriots (8-0) are playing the Indianapolis Colts (7-0) in a regular-season NFL game on Sunday. It’s only the most-hyped sporting event of the year so far – and that includes the World Series.
Of course, as is usually the case with hype, writers are taking things way too far. Sports Illustrated’s Peter King, for instance, is calling the matchup the biggest rivalry in sports today. To quote:
“The only thing like it in sports today in competitive intensity is Red Sox-Yankees, and Colts-Pats, to the country, is much, much bigger, because, of course, football is much, much bigger. But the story is the same. So we begin the countdown to the most hyped regular-season game in memory. Maybe ever.”
It’s nonsense, of course. Anyone with a memory that goes beyond 1999 may recall a few 49ers vs. Cowboys games which were much more anticipated. And that just skims the surface of the list. And to call the Colts vs. Patriots a more intense rivalry than the Yankees-Red Sox is just insane. Colts-Patriots doesn’t even make the top 10 of great sports rivalries. And if you open the competition to great rivalries overall, Colts-Patriots doesn’t make the top 100.
What are the greatest rivalries of all time? Glad you asked, because I took a survey, and have constructed a comprehensive list. The top 100 rivalries of all time:
100. Ali vs. Frazier; 99. Jeff Gordon vs. Rusty Wallace; 98. Beatles vs. Stones; 97. Joe vs. The Volcano;. 96. Steelers vs. Raiders; 95. Commodus vs. Maximus; 94. Lohan vs. Sobriety; 93. Quasimodo vs. French Mob; 92. Fred Flintstone vs. Joe Rockhead; 91. Snow vs. Blower.
90. Snidley Whiplash vs. Dudley Doright; 89. Runaway Bride vs. Marriage; 88. Being vs. Nothingness; 87. Water vs. Oil; 86. Nixon vs. Enemies List; 85. 49ers vs. Cowboys; 84. Lee vs. Grant; 83. Kneival vs. Gravity; 82. Edison vs. Telsa; 81. Snake vs. Mongoose.
80. Superfly Snuka vs. Magnificent Murako; 79. Abbot and Costello vs. Wolfman; 78. Lions vs. Hyenas; 77. Mike Tyson vs. Sanity; 76. Day vs. Night; 75. Coke vs. Pepsi; 74. Wonka vs. Slugworth; 73. Cro-Magnon vs. Neanderthal; 72. Paper vs. Plastic; 71. Giants vs. Dodgers.
70. Bear vs. Salmon; 69. Tim Parsons vs. Deadline; 68. Roe v. Wade; 67. Finn vs. Injun Joe; 66. Writer vs. Blank Page; 65. Brett Favre vs. Retirement; 64. Bartman vs. Foul Ball; 63. Darrell Russell vs. The Guard Rail; 62. Cable vs. Dish; 61. Tastes Great vs. Less Filling.
60. Moses vs. Pharoh; 59. Homer vs. Flanders; 58. Feng Shui vs. Clutter; 57. 100 percent vs. 110 percent; 56. Kramer vs. Kramer; 55. Marvel vs. Capcom; 54. Jimmy Kimmel vs. ESPN; 53. David vs. Goliath; 52. Shane vs. Wilson; 51. Quixote vs. Windmill.
50. Red Sox vs. Yankees; 49. South Lake Tahoe High vs. Whittell; 48. Oregon vs. Oregon State; 47. Brown vs. Board of Education; 46. Past vs. Present; 45. Alien vs. Predator; 44. Paperboy vs. Porch; 43. Sylvester vs. Tweety; 42. Mac vs. PC; 41. Cowboys vs. Indians.
40. Oprah vs. Waistline; 39. Hot vs. Mild; 38. Love vs. Hate; 37. Luke vs. Darth; 36. Fugitive vs. One-Armed Man; 35. Romans vs. Visigoths; 34. Old Man vs. The Sea; 33. Saints vs. Sinners; 32. Church vs. Football; 31. Pope vs. Birth Control.
30. Cal vs. Stanford; 29. Bugs vs. Elmer; 28. Dr. Evil vs. Austin Powers; 27. Cheney vs. Hunting Partner; 26. Britney Spears vs. Underwear; 25. Romulans vs. Federation; 24. Tom vs. Jerry; 23. Moose and Squirrel vs. Boris and Natasha; 22. Bobby Knight vs. Chair; 21. Black Spy vs. White Spy.
20. Electrons vs. Protons; 19. Howie Nave vs. Sleep; 18. Celtics vs. Lakers; 17. Seinfeld vs. Newman; 16. Snoopy vs. Red Baron; 15. Me vs. You; 14. Kobe vs. Shaq; 13. Mr. Jinx vs. Meeces; 12. Mugger vs. Pepper Spray; 11. Palmer vs. Nicholas.
10. Matter vs. Antimatter; 9. Catholic vs. Protestant; 8. Athens vs. Sparta; 7. Santa vs. Wind Shear; 6. Carrot Top vs. Dignity; 5. Hatfields vs. McCoys; 4. God vs. Devil; 3. Shirts vs. Skins; 2. Capulets vs. Montagues.
And the top rivalry of all time:
1. Road Runner vs. Coyote.
— Rick Chandler is the associate editor of Deadspin.com. Contact him at RickChand@GMail.com
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