Sometimes it’s best to say nothing |

Sometimes it’s best to say nothing

Rick Chandler, Tribune correspondent

Because most of my friends seem to do very little actual work at their jobs, I get quite a few e-mails of the following variety:

Hey! Found this on the Internet, so all these quotes must be true!

Why athletes can’t have real jobs …

New Orleans Saints running back George Rogers, when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

Upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Washington Redskins say: “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Oakland Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s mom, too.”

University of Houston receiver Torrin Polk on his coach, John Jenkins: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”

Football announcer and former Redskins quarterback Joe Theismann: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

Florida State assistant football coach Bill Peterson: “You guys line up alphabetically by height.”

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up with promoter Don King: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”

Texas A&M basketball coach Shelby Metcalf, on a player who received four Fs and one D: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips, when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips: “Because she’s too ugly to kiss goodbye.”

As soon as I was done killing out my usual e-mail spam (apparently an African diplomat’s wife would like me to invest $10 million for her unfortunate husband, who has been jailed in their homeland. What do you think, folks?), I did some sports quote research of my own. My findings:

Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda in 1981, on contract negotiations with Mexican-born pitcher Fernando Valenzuela: “He wants Texas back.”

Florida football coach Steve Spurrier, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20 books: “But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.”

Oakland Raiders tackle Lincoln Kennedy, on his decision not to vote: “I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I’d get shot.”

San Francisco 49ers quarterback Jeff Kemp, circa 1986, when asked about his rapport with wide receiver Jerry Rice: “Rapport? You mean like, ‘You run as fast as you can, and I’ll throw it as far as I can?”‘

Professional soccer player Ian Rush, on the adjustment from playing for Liverpool, England to his new team, Real Madrid, Spain: “It was like living in a different country.”

Boxer Alan Minter: “Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious.”

BBC commentator David Vine: “Here we are in the Holy Land of Israel, a Mecca for tourists.”

And, probably my favorite:

Holland soccer coach Rudd Gullit: “To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch.”

— Rick Chandler’s interactive sports column, Capacity Crowd, can be found at Contact him at

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