Zombie fever at Lake Tahoe: Top 10 reasons why Tahoe is perfect for a zombie apocalypse
Special to Lake Tahoe Action
With Halloween on the horizon and the much-anticipated season seven premiere of “The Walking Dead” just around the corner, we thought we’d have a little fun and talk some zombies. More specifically, what if the zombie apocalypse happened in our backyard, right here in Tahoe?
For some, the shear thought of a zombie apocalypse is terrifying. However, take solace — residents and visitors — for being in Tahoe during a catastrophic event such as this, knowing that you have an advantage over the rest of the world.
10. Terrain: I gotta think zombies aren’t the most coordinated bunch — which is to basically say that I’m sure they’d fall an awful lot trying to hike around the Basin. More zombies falling down equals more chances you don’t get bit and spend the rest of your life in need of a dermatologist. Total win.
9. Luxury Home Availability: Who hasn’t dreamed of owning one of those multi-million dollar Tahoe homes on the lake? You can be certain that if the apocalypse goes down, there will be plenty of these puppies available. Layer that with many being vacation homes and being unoccupied, and you’d have your pick of the litter. I’m sure there would be competition for the ones with better views, but with no down payment you couldn’t be that picky, right? I’m sure you could even share a compound with a group of friends. Score!
8. Abundance of Fish: With a lake as large as Tahoe, as well as all the other options nearby, food supply shouldn’t be a problem. That is, if you like fish and can handle yourself in a reel showdown with a trout. It’s not sushi, but you’ll get a steady diet of omega-3 fatty acids — totally good for your health. Double win?
7. Scientists: Lake Tahoe is constantly under research by scientists — whether looking at the environment, algae, invasive species, climate, and many other things that the normal person has no idea how to pronounce. It would probably be safe to say that if this goes down there will be a good amount of scientists in and around the Basin. I say the more scientists, the better the chance at finding a cure. I’m sure they could also mix up a mean Molotov cocktail should we need to defend ourselves with something that needs a little extra kick.
6. Fresh Powder Days: Nobody’s going to work in the zombie apocalypse. I mean, other than staying alive, which can probably be counted as work. In the general sense, though, we should have 2,080 hours of leave on the books every year. And with no work after a storm, that means you’ll get to carve up some fresh pow without having to navigate large crowds. That’s like Heaven — or at least Heaven-ly. Insert pun joke here.
5. We Could Finally Feed the Bears: I know, it sounds rather macabre — but think about it. Those bears that have been poaching our trash cans over the years are going to want some grub. Why not feed them zombies? Solves multiple problems. We feed the bears, we decrease the zombie population — all is good. Unless by eating them we get zombie bears. That would be horrifying. Or by conditioning the bears to eat people we cause a problem with bears attacking the living, which would also be horrifying. Let’s just believe all would work out and leave it at that.
4. Plenty of Zombie Storage: Given the over abundance of available hotel rooms we have in Tahoe, not to mention the large casino floors, we have more than enough room to store the living dead. Once the herding process is perfected, we’d know exactly where we should avoid. This would give us a 100-percent, year-round occupancy rate — a statistic we’d die for. Insert bad pun joke here.
3. Tahoe Winters: Zombies don’t like cold weather. Now, I can’t be certain, but call it an educated guess. I’m pretty sure turning into a dead-person Popsicle isn’t high on the list for them. However, we have yet to been given a scenario in Hollywood (to my knowledge) with a frozen zombie, so it’s unclear what they would actually do when frozen. I’m going to go out on a hypothetical limb and say you could push them over like in Terminator 2 and they’d shatter into itty-bitty parts. That would be cool.
2. Lake Clarity: Just think what no traffic would do to the clarity of the lake. No traffic means no sediment. Boom — instant clear. I’d bet we’d hit some historic levels. Although we’d have no governing board for invasive species, so who knows. Additionally, if you fancy a swim, the clarity should allow for plenty of time for a smooth backstroke getaway.
1. Zombies on Tahoe Time: If I had to navigate an apocalyptic setting where zombies were constantly chasing me, I sure wouldn’t mind them being on Tahoe time. After all, if we were going to get chased, how nice would it be if the zombies that were chasing you took their time trying to eat you? Tahoe time, for those who are not aware, is that state of mind in Tahoe where you basically just get to it when you get to it. Good for zombie apocalypses, bad for your first day at a new job.
Rob Galloway, a true Walking Dead enthusiast, is the publisher of Lake Tahoe Action and Tahoe Daily Tribune.